I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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