Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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