if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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