dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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