i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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