I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you had me at cake vodka
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
