He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
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can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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