Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
