My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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