You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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