Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
me + whiskey = a bad person
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
