i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
