he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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