i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
