So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
how does that bad decision feel?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
