yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
