I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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