I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
