is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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