Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
