I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
