She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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