im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
