That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
