I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
