your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
