when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
