Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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