Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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