8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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