a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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