lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
