I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
