that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
