I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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