i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
