my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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