I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
