Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
