we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you win again, gameday.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
