Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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