If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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