she was so not down for the gang bang
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
