My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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