Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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