Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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