If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Panties = found
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
