Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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