How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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