And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
