If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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