i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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