Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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