in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
