we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
