i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
