I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
