what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
