If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
