Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
