Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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