I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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