so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
